Links Broken, Bonds Forged
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Xander was kicked out of the group at Buffy's request, so why does he look so happy about it?
1. Chapter 1

**Links Broken, Bonds Forged **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any commercially viable product!**

Chapter 1

"Did you hear what I said?" Buffy said, exasperated by the blank expression on Xander's face that had appeared the moment he had realized where they were going with this.

Xander nodded. "I'm no longer part of your group; thus I don't have to listen to you anymore," he said, as he broke into a brilliant smile.

"What?" Buffy replied confused. "I'm still the Slayer."

"Yeah, and?" he asked, wondering what that had to do with anything.

"That means you still have to listen to me," she said, like she was speaking to a five year old.

"No it doesn't." He snorted. "I'm not a soldier in your army or a subject under your crown; I am a free citizen of the United States and no one voted you into office."

The group stared, stunned at Xander, who was reacting the exact opposite of how they thought he would.

Xander stood like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders, gone was his habitual slouch and near constant half grin as if they'd never existed.

"Book and weapon share is still in effect?" he asked Giles.

Giles nodded. "Yes, but what about the maintenance schedule?"

"As long as you're there working with me so I can pick your brain I have no problem continuing it."

"I'll bring the tea and biscuits," Giles promised.

"And I'll supply the emery cloth and polish," Xander replied. "Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I have things to do. Bye!"

"What just happened?" Oz asked, as the library doors closed behind the departing Xander.

"And what book and weapon share?" Buffy asked. "I don't want you loaning any books or weapons to Xander."

Giles looked over the top of his glasses at Buffy and said pertly, "I will loan out my possessions to whomever I please and considering Xander has managed to scrounge up the majority of the books and weapons we use, since the Council only supplies enough for a single Slayer and her Watcher while we've been fielding an entire team, I'd suggest that interference wouldn't be the brightest idea. Now if you'll excuse me, I feel the need for a cup of tea."

"Buffy, quit alienating everyone," Cordelia ordered. "Willow you know the bastard best, why was he so happy? He looked like he was just freed from slavery."

"I don't know," Willow admitted. "I mean it's like … oops," she said paling.

"Oops? What oops?" Buffy demanded. "Oops is not a good word."

"W-well, we just kicked him out of the group while I remain a member," Willow explained. "That's … a big deal."

"What about the We Hate Cordelia Club?" Cordy demanded.

"He never quit that. In fact, he was lobbying to allow new members during the summer caucus, saying you'd probably like to be in the club, just to prove you could get into any club you wanted," Willow continued.

"Oh," Cordelia said quietly, surprised he'd known her so well.

"And how does this explain the big change and Xander no longer being into bondage?" Buffy asked.

"Xander, J-jesse and I decided at some point decided that remaining in something that one of us was kicked out of was an unforgivable sin."

"That's why you won't go to Sizzler!" Oz said suddenly.

Willow nodded. "Xander was barred from the all you can eat buffet after he got into an eating contest with someone and Jesse started a food fight in protest."

"Skating rink?" Oz asked.

"Jesse kept running into me 'on accident," Cordelia said with a frown. "So I complained and they kicked him out. So then Xander snuck into the DJ booth and programmed it for 12 hours straight of Wayne Newton before gluing the door shut so they couldn't get in and change it. And then he blocked all the exits so we couldn't escape!"

"Actually that was me," Willow admitted. "He was just covering for me."

"I still get homicidal when I hear Mandy played," Cordelia growled.

"Who doesn't?" Oz deadpanned.

"And all this means?" Buffy asked.

"I committed an unforgivable sin, I am no longer his friend." Willow sighed sadly.

"And that made him happy?" Buffy asked confused.

"I don't know." Willow shrugged, obviously confused.

**0oOo0**

"That is a nice car," a girl said, eying Xander's ride.

"Xander," he offered, holding out a hand.

"Lisa," she replied, shaking his hand.

Xander grinned. "I got it from my Uncle Rory. He restores cars for a living. It's only partially completed; I still have some engine work to do. Wanna hear?"

"Yes!" she squealed and hopped in the front seat.

Xander turned the key and the car sputtered for a moment before catching.

Lisa tilted her head to the side and listened. "The timing is off and you probably need to clean your carb."

"I've got an appointment with a timing light this weekend, but I'm running premium with an octane boost to clean out the fuel system. Someone left this baby sitting for a couple of years."

"And cleaning the carb before the fuel system is useless," she agreed. "The vinyl is in pretty good condition for its age."

"Yeah, it was parked in a garage most of the time, but you can see how the years have been drying it out."

"I know just the thing to restore old vinyl," she said. "A little rubbed in works wonders."

"Really?"

**Later that day … **

Faith was in trouble, she had a dislocated shoulder and the blue bitch had her on the ropes.

If her back hadn't been to the wall she'd have tried running for it, but with the way things were it'd only give blue a shot at her back.

She was sure this was the end, when out of nowhere an old tan convertible nailed the blue she demon, hard.

Blinking in the glare from the headlights she saw Xander and some brown haired chick she didn't recognize.

"Oh my god! I think you killed … it?"

"Just a demon, don't worry about it. Hey Faith, sorry I didn't recognize you or I would have stayed out of your fight," Xander apologized.

"What?" Faith asked confused.

"Buffy kicked me out of the Slaying group saying I'd probably just get one of you killed, so sorry for interfering in your fight," he explained. "Next time I'll stay out of it, promise."

Faith just stared, wondering what had happened as the two climbed back into the car and were apparently going to leave without her. Faith quickly jumped up and jumped into the back seat, only to wind up on the floor cursing.

"Did you want a ride, Faith?" Xander asked sarcastically.

"Oww," Faith moaned, holding her shoulder. "I got a dislocated shoulder and some bruised ribs, I'd like a ride home, please. Now, what's with the hostility? I never kicked you out of nothin' and if you've got a list of people marked "do not save" tell me what to do to keep off that list!"

"I thought Buffy got you all to vote me out? She was doing this whole "we decided as a group" spiel when she said I wasn't to be involved in the slaying anymore."

"Demon slaying?" Lisa asked a bit frazzled.

"Vampires, demons, and various baddies exist," Xander explained. "There are a few groups that hunt them down and slay them, mostly for altruistic reasons."

"Altruistic?" Lisa asked. "You mean there are other reasons for hunting them?"

"Sure, like revenge or because they have no choice and then there are some who are in it for the money."

"Money?" Faith asked. "I've rolled vamps when I can but it's too dangerous to be profitable."

"There are better and safer ways to take down vamps than hand to hand and most of their loot is in their lairs," Xander explained.

"Fighting demons in their lairs is a losing proposition," Faith said. "They've got the home field advantage and most fight better in close quarters where they can dodge behind stuff and you don't have enough room to swing a sword."

"Using those kind of tactics it would be stupid to tackle lairs," Xander admitted. "But what if you barred the doorways and windows with consecrated wafers from a Catholic church and had someone using Holy Water and a fog machine to weaken them before you even entered the room?"

"Would that work?" Faith asked.

"No idea, I was forbidden from trying out any of my ideas because they were "too dangerous". I haven't been out of the group long enough to test them yet," he admitted.

"Other demon hunters consider you too dangerous to be around?" Lisa asked breathlessly.

Noticing the effect it had on Lisa, Faith couldn't resist. "X-man has been hunting demons for years and has the scars to prove it; he plays the goof so no one suspects what he is."

"Wow," Lisa said.

Xander pretended not to notice. "So Faith, where to?"

"Sunnydale Motor-Lodge."

"That hole?" Xander asked confused. "Wesley should have picked a better place for even temporary housing than that."

"What's Wesley got to do with anything?" Faith asked.

"He's a Watcher and you report to him; that means he's required to ensure you have adequate lodging, weapons and food while in his territory. It's all spelled out in the Slayer's Handbook. I know of two Council safe houses set up in Sunnydale for use by allies or fallback positions in case of exposure. Hell, I set one up for myself."

"I didn't know I was supposed to ask for any of that," Faith replied.

"Well, let's move you to a safe house and we can ask Wesley to have the Council set you up with a permanent address later," Xander suggested.

"Cool," Faith said, trying to cover just how happy she was to get out of the motor lodge.

"So, why is your backseat covered in Vaseline anyway?" she asked.

**0oOo0**

"The pattern is twisted," a male voice announced.

"This was unforeseen," a female voice replied.

"We need some way to ensure he plays his role despite his distance from Summers. A rewind perhaps?"

"I've got an idea!" a voice with a heavy Brooklyn accent quickly burst in.

"Acceptable," the two chorused after a quick explanation.

**0oOo0**

Faith sat in the backseat, very glad she wore black leather and dark clothes as they wouldn't get stained by the Vaseline.

Xander swerved, sending Faith sliding across the seat as he nailed another blue demon.

"Two points!" Lisa cheered.

Despite the layer of Vaseline on her Faith couldn't help but laugh. "This has got to be the funnest way to hunt demons ever."

Xander grinned. "Detroit steel trumps demonic evil."

"Was this one of the ideas they said was too dangerous?" Lisa asked.

"Yep, they said it was too easy to make a mistake and run over a human. I suggested having the person riding shotgun wear thermal goggles so they could tell the driver who was a vampire and who wasn't, but then they worried that I'd run over Angel."

"Angel?" Lisa asked.

"A vamp B is dating," Faith replied with a shrug.

"She's dating a vamp?"

"Has a soul thanks to a gypsy curse," Xander explained.

"But you said vampires are all demonically animated corpses," Lisa complained.

"Yeah, and?" Faith asked, wondering what she was getting at.

"So she's screwing a corpse."

Xander and Faith looked nauseous for a moment.

Xander sighed. "The whole undead thing kinda blurs the line there. It has some … form of life I guess, but basically you're right."

Faith nodded. "It's why they're called undead and not just dead; I guess someone told her to go have a long cold one and chill the fuck out and she took it literally."

The two in the front seat burst out laughing.

**0oOo0**

Faith looked around the place wide eyed; sure Xander had said he had a safe house set up but she'd half expected an old trailer in the woods or a hidden room in a warehouse; not this.

Xander hummed to himself as he made sure he hadn't left anything in the house that could go bad the last time he was here.

Faith and Lisa stared at the giant flatscreen monitor that took up an entire wall of the living room in awe.

"I didn't know they made them that big," Faith said reverently.

"They don't," Lisa said. "My dad was pricing them last week and came across an article showing the World's Largest TV and it wasn't half this big."

"Its gotta be fake," Faith said, slowly reaching for the remote.

Xander stepped into the living room just as Faith hit the power button and the TV came on.

***BOOM CHICKA NOW WOW***

The three teens turned bright red as they watched the action on screen.

"Life sized porn," Faith said in awe.

"If I find a guy willing to do that I'm keeping him," Lisa said firmly.

"Got that right," Faith agreed.

"Only if you're willing to do that," Xander said, pointing at the screen.

"Not a problem," Faith said confidently.

Lisa nodded. "Fair's fair."

"House tour or watch the rest?" Xander asked distractedly.

"Does this thing have a record function?" Lisa asked.

Xander nodded. "Yeah, red button bottom right."

Faith hit record and turned off the giant TV. "How in the world did you get this place? Why does it have the biggest TV in the world and why haven't you been living here?"

"Offlined the original owner; the sociopathic android named Ted. He built all sorts of stuff and while Willow was my friend I had to follow certain rules," he replied.

Before Faith could ask, Lisa collapsed to her knees, holding her head and whimpering.

"Shit, you ok?" Faith asked as she and Xander helped the girl to the couch.

"Feels like someone hit me in the head with a bat," Lisa whimpered. "I saw Faith in a library with an axe saving a girl from a bunch of tentacles and Xander was in the boiler room convincing Psycho-Jack not to blow something up and then everything went fuzzy."

"Blurry?" Faith asked.

"No, fuzzy... lots of brown fur."

"That was a vision," a Brooklyn accented voice said, as the TV came on; showing a weasely looking guy with a bowler hat.

"What?" the three chorused, staring at the TV.

"I'm Whistler, I work for the Powers that Be," he explained, stepping out of the TV screen.

"Demon!" Faith said, instinctively moving in front of Lisa.

"Balance demon," he quickly explained. "I'm a servant of the ones above, if you get my drift."

"What do you want?" Xander demanded.

"Nothing," Whistler quickly replied. "The guys upstairs know you hate prophesy so they figured you'd be a lot happier if someone just gave you an explanation."

"Got a point there," Faith admitted, relaxing a little.

Xander nodded and he and Faith moved aside so Lisa could see.

"The Powers that Be make huge plans that suck on a personal level, but prevent the end of everything," Whistler admitted.

"That explains things," Xander said, thinking of the ups and downs of being in the Scooby gang.

"Now the future for you three that was laid out sucked, but it prevented at least a dozen end of the world events," Whistler explained. "Xander was supposed to be the Slayer's loyal lapdog; basically ignored but pulling off some impressive stuff that nobody noticed and getting kicked in the heart repeatedly until ending up with a much younger girl who was literally created to love him."

"I have mixed feelings about all of that," Xander admitted after a moment's thought.

"Faith, you were supposed to be patrolling with Buffy when she tosses you vamps to stake; but one turns out to be human and you kill him. You get all the blame and try to kill Xander, because you don't trust guys who sleep with you, so you end up joining the latest villain, almost killing Angel and then end up in a coma when Buffy tries to gut you."

"At least you almost kill Angel," Xander said comfortingly while he patted a pale Faith on the shoulder.

"How can you be joking when I try to kill you and go all evil?" Faith exclaimed.

"Because now that you know you can avoid it," Xander said seriously. "So no sex for you and when patrolling with Buffy don't trust her to throw you just vamps."

"Ok," Faith said, calming down as she realized she could have a different future.

"Lisa you were destined to be killed and turned at the Bronze next weekend. Not a great end true, but at least it wasn't too bad and you were good enough to go upstairs."

"Ok, all our futures were kind of dim," Lisa said, rubbing her temples.

"And now, they're pretty much up in the air; except if you don't do certain things the world still goes boom. So the idea was this; we give you a seer so you know what you need to do, and we grant you all a minor boon for the service."

"I didn't expect the people up top to be so reasonable," Xander said, shocked.

"Normally they aren't; but I pointed out that since we are a bit pressed for time, hiring you three to keep the world spinning was a lot easier than rewinding time and hoping it'd all work out the way they planned a second time."

"Suddenly I feel like Costco," Xander said. "The discount store for all your world saving needs."

Whistler chuckled. "Exactly, why use brute force and violate causality when free will and bribery works?"

"Whats a boon?" Lisa asked.

"Minor wish," Xander explained.

"No bringing back the dead, wishing for more wishes, or huge world changes. We're going cheap here for something you'd do anyway, but I wanted to build up some credit because it's not an easy job."

"Good call," Faith agreed.

"So, what do you want?" Whistler asked.

"Amy!" Xander said instantly, making the girls stare at him.

"How do you mean?" Faith demanded.

"Amy is a friend of mine who had a spell backfire on her and turn her into a rat. She's been a rat for a month and no one has made any progress toward turning her back. I want Amy turned back into a human."

Whistler tilted his head to the side as if listening to something for a moment. "Granted, you now have the ability to break spells with a kiss."

"Disney fan?" Xander asked with a grin.

"I've been given a certain amount of power for each boon; using widely known or premade patterns helps me stretch things further," Whistler replied. "Ok... and I like Disney."

"So, she's like a real good friend?" Faith asked, trying to figure out how close someone would have to be for her to give up an honest to god wish for them.

"Not really, but she is a friend and I owe her a favor," he replied, thinking about how he'd blackmailed her to perform a love spell.

"I wish I could understand people," Faith muttered, her eyes shooting open a moment later as she realized what she'd done. "And had magical powers!" she quickly added.

"Granted! Gifts of tongue and empathy, so you'll always understand what people say and what they're not saying. You managed to squeeze in the addition at the last second, but you'll have to figure them out on your own," Whistler said.

"I want to be able to step in and out of the TV," Lisa said, surprising everyone.

"Granted! That's got a lot of limitations that you'll have to discover on your own as well," Whistler warned. "Well, it's been nice meeting you all good luck and go save the world!" he said vanishing.

"Ok, well I guess I'm off to stop Jack from blowing up the school while Faith keeps the gang alive. Lisa, you get some rest; you've earned it," Xander said.

Faith was surprised to find that she could tell Xander meant everything he'd just said.

"I will, you guys be careful," Lisa replied.

Faith raised an eyebrow as Lisa blushed and pushed them out the door. "Have fun storming the castle!"

As the door closed the door behind them Xander looked over at Faith. "What was that all about?"

"Naked TV fun time with her new powers," Faith guessed.

"I wonder if she can take someone else in with her?" Xander said thoughtfully as they climbed into the car.

"Bad Xander!" Faith said sternly, smacking him in the arm.

"Oww!" Xander complained, pretending his shoulder hurt. "Ok, I wonder if she can take two people in with her?"

"Good verging on great Xander," Faith decided after a moment, feeling a mixture of humor, lust and genuine affection coming from him.

Grinning evilly he said, "Or you two could go while I watch."

Faith shivered. "Empath here! If you don't stop I'm going to take you here and now and then the world will end because we were too busy screwing."

"Right!" Xander said.

Faith was shocked at the amount of lust he'd managed to just shrug off, and struggled not to blush at the admiration he was projecting at her.

"Tally ho!" He cried, starting the car with a little effort.

**AN: Guess who typed this up for me?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Seeing is Believing**

"That's five," Faith said with a grin as Xander ran over another blue demon.

"I love my car," Xander said, smiling.

***BUMP***

Xander slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car to rush over to the figure he just ran over.

"Shit!" Faith exclaimed, sure that Xander had just hit a human and shocked at the way Xander was stealing the victim's jacket and rolling him for valuables.

Xander staked the figure and returned to the car wearing a new leather jacket.

"I thought you hit a person for a moment there!" Faith said as they drove off.

"Sorry," Xander said contritely. "I saw the lack of reflection or witnesses and a brand new jacket. I'll warn you next time."

"It's cool," Faith said, her joy at knowing he meant what he said making her smile almost as much as the fact that no one could lie to her anymore.

**0oOo0**

"Meet me at the car once we're done?" Xander suggested.

Faith shook her head. "No idea how long this will take. I'll probably be heading to bed when you're getting ready for school in the morning."

"I so envy you right now," Xander said. "Now, if you'll excuse me I have a bomb to disarm."

Despite his bravado, Faith could feel his worry. "Don't sweat it, you were picked because you could do it. They wouldn't have paid us in advance otherwise."

"Yeah," Xander mused thoughtfully. "Thanks."

Faith was unaware she was smiling as she entered the library.

"The Sisterhood of Jhe's plan is to hold the Hellmouth open, once it temporarily opens on its own to release pressure tonight. So we need everyone here to repel boarders as it were," Giles announced, seeing that Faith had arrived and wanting everyone to understand the stakes.

Faith nodded, feeling the various shades of relief and thankfulness from the group that she was there.

"Why do your pants look so shiny?" Buffy asked.

"Ran into Xander and his girl," Faith replied.

Buffy ran a finger along Faith's side and rubbed her fingers together. "Running into Xander and his girl got you coated in Vaseline?"

Faith hid her amusement at the amount of anger and jealousy she could feel radiating from some of the Scoobs. "Yep, I was fighting two of those blue bitches and I managed to kill one, but she got in a lucky shot and dislocated my arm. I wasn't doing so well against the last one, my bell was wrung and I was about to go down, when out of nowhere Xander takes the bitch out with a single blow."

"You're kidding?" Buffy asked shocked.

"Nope, he saved my life and then when he saw who I was he apologized and said he wouldn't have jumped in if he knew it was me and promised to stay out of my fights in the future. He was about to drive off, leaving me lying there with only one good arm so I jumped into the back seat and the next thing I knew I'm on the floor because the entire back seat was covered in Vaseline."

"Seriously?"

"Oh, yeah," Faith replied. "I got him to tell me what the problem was and let him know I wasn't part of the agreement you guys made to kick him out."

"He's going to get himself killed!" Buffy exclaimed worriedly.

Faith just shrugged. "So are the rest of us, what's your point?"

"He could have a normal life!" Buffy exclaimed. "He deserves one."

"What gives you the right to decide that for him?"

"Because I'm the one that drug him into all of this."

"I thought you saved his life?"

"I did, but I couldn't save his best friend and then he turned right around and saved my life. We've all saved each other's lives, but he's done it when anyone with a shred of sanity or self preservation would have said it was impossible. He's more than earned the right to turn his back on this nightmare and walk away with his head held high. The rest of us are… tainted, but he's not."

"I'm not a freak," Cordelia said, glaring at Buffy while the rest of them exchanged glances.

"Not yet," Buffy agreed. "But have you done enough to earn the right to walk away yet?"

Cordelia didn't answer.

"Yeah, we're probably all gonna die," Buffy admitted. "But I want him to live."

"He's as deep into it as we are and if you think he'll quit you're crazy," Faith replied, thinking over the events of earlier this evening. "He made his choice and nothing's going to change his mind."

**0oOo0**

"Hi Jack!" Xander exclaimed mock cheerfully. "Whatcha doin?"

"What's it look like I'm doing?" Jack snarled to cover his surprise.

"Looks like you're setting a bomb to open the Hellmouth," Xander replied, as he tried to come up with a plan to deal with this unexpected development.

"Hellmouth?" Jack asked, freezing in place, as only a zombie could, as he recalled his grandfather's warning about things that were worse than death.

"Yeah, the High School is built right on top of it."

"Shit!" Jack groaned, quickly disarming the bomb. "All I wanted to do is was blow up the High School. Was that too much to ask?"

Xander sighed. "I know the feeling and I promise if I ever have to blow this place I'll call you."

"Swear?"

"I swear," Xander agreed.

Jack pocketed the timer and removed some wiring. "Deal."

Xander stepped aside to let Jack through. "Know what, Harris?" Jack said, pausing in the doorway. "You're alright."

"Thanks," Xander called as Jack left.

Xander was examining the two barrels the timer had been attached to when he heard a familiar growl behind him.

"Oz?" Xander asked quietly as he slowly turned around.

**0oOo0**

Faith's kick snapped the blue demon's leg, sending her to the ground and letting Cordelia finish her off.

"I thought there'd be more of them," Giles said absently as he shot the last demon standing with his crossbow.

"I nailed three of them earlier when I was out and about and Xander killed five of them on the way here," Faith replied.

"Five?" Buffy and Willow chorused.

"He didn't happen to be wearing a leather jacket by any chance?" Giles asked carefully.

"Yeah, but he got that off a vamp he ran into on the way over; why?" Faith asked as Buffy and Willow groaned.

"Because there's a good chance he may have been repossessed by a Primal Spirit," Giles explained.

"Tentacles incoming!" Faith called out suddenly sensing something powerful and remembering what she was here for. "Everyone against the walls!"

Everyone moved away from the center of the room where a mass of demonic appendages burst suddenly through the floor.

**0oOo0**

"Where can I get a live goat and five rabbits at this time of night?" Xander asked, slipping Willy a twenty.

"Brad's Boneyard," Willy replied. "He has a glut of goats right now, so don't offer him more than twenty for one but he's a bit short on rabbits so expect them to run about five a piece. I'd suggest promising to take a goat off his hands for twenty if he throws in a rabbit and then ordering four more rabbits to go with it."

Xander was surprised at how cooperative Willy was. "Thanks."

"Money talks," Willy explained noticing Xander's mood.

**0oOo0**

"How did you know about the tentacles?" Wesley asked as Giles and Willow passed him a sheet with his part of the spell on it.

"Vision," Faith replied, deciding they didn't need to know about Lisa since Slayers were known to have visions of the future while they slept.

"Well, thanks for the save," Cordelia replied. "I've heard bad things about tentacles and school girls."

"No problem."

"So... Xander has a girlfriend already?" Cordelia said, trying her best to sound casual.

Faith convinced a couple of questing tentacles to retreat with an axe. "I don't think they're dating, but she's probably gonna have sex with him and if she doesn't or maybe even after she does, I will," Faith said honestly.

"What?" Cordelia asked shocked.

"I'm the Slayer, people have pet hamsters with better life expectancies than I have. I know the whole High School scene thrives on drama and all that crap, but unlike High School girls I hate being miserable; so I'm damn well going to make sure I have a life worth fighting for before I lose it."

Cordelia was rendered mute by Faith's response as they waited for Giles, Wesley and Willow to finish the spell closing the Hellmouth.

The multilimbed monster was pulled back into the Hellmouth with a bright flash of light.

As everyone fell silent the sound of hooves and a goat's bleat was heard from the hall.

Expecting the worst Angel and Buffy threw wide the library doors and readied their weapons; startling Xander who was just passing by leading a goat on a leash and with a wriggling sack on his back. "Don't do that!"

"Sorry," Angel apologized.

"Why are you walking a goat through the school at two in the morning and what's in the sack?" Buffy demanded.

"It's the quickest route to the boiler room, and five full grown rabbits," Xander replied, walking off.

"Wait, I'm not through talking to you yet!" Buffy yelled.

"Unfortunately for you, I'm through listening!" Xander called back. "If you want to talk you'll have to walk. C'mon Twinkie," Xander said, pulling the goat along with him.

Everyone quickly followed the two into the hall where Buffy was arguing with Xander, "You can't just go running around at night!"

"I can do anything I damn well please," Xander said, not even slowing.

"I forbid you!" Buffy said anxiously.

"You forbid me?"

"Yes, I'm not going to let you get yourself killed!"

"Even when you were the Slayer, the only reason you could command me was because I was in your group," Xander said. "Well sixty percent group, forty percent hot bod."

"What do you mean, when I was the Slayer?"

"Someone died and made you the Slayer, you died and made Kendra the Slayer, Kendra died and made Faith the Slayer. You are A Slayer, like the countless Slayers that passed before; Faith is THE Slayer, got it?" Xander said, trying to push her off balance.

"I never considered that," Wesley muttered in the sudden silence as Buffy blocked the door to the Boiler Room.

"Oz is down there!" Willow burst out.

"I know. Thank god his poker face as a werewolf is worse than his human one or I wouldn't know what to bribe him with."

"Bribe?" Buffy asked confused, just before Faith pulled her away from the door.

Xander spoke up, "I figured a werewolf would much rather have wolf type food, so when I ran into him I promised him a goat and five rabbits for not checking to see if I tasted like Twinkies."

Xander opened the door and shoved the goat in. Everyone winced at the frantic bleats that were cut off in mid cry a moment later. The rabbits followed as Xander dumped the rabbits down the stairs, sending them scampering.

"May I ask why you were in the boiler room?" Giles asked politely.

"Had to disarm a bomb. One of Sunnydale's ex students really didn't want to attend any High School reunions I'm guessing."

"You know how to disarm bombs?" Giles asked surprised.

"Nope, told him it would open the Hellmouth, which he apparently knew about if not where it was. For once calm rational explanations saved the day."

Everyone just stood there silently for a moment.

"Yeah, shocked the hell outta me too," Xander admitted.

"Saved the girls from the tentacles, so I'm done here. Did you have anything else to do here besides the bomb?" Faith asked.

"Nope, my schedule is clear," Xander promised.

"Large pie with extra peppers, then join Lisa?"

"Sounds good to me, and I know just the place; but don't kill the cook."

"Why would I kill the cook?" Faith asked confused.

"Because I'm pretty sure he's a demon."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he keeps adding anchovies to every order if you don't watch him," Xander warned.

"That is evil," Faith declared.

"Plus he's got like eight arms; that's why when you order pizza to go it's always ready in like five minutes. I figured I'd get us three large so we'll each have our own, because I love cold leftover pizza in the morning."

"You're supposed to have a normal life!" Buffy shouted upset.

"You mean like my parents and Willow's parents?" Xander asked casually.

"Exactly."

"I'd rather die," Xander replied flatly.

"But …" Buffy scrambled for an acceptable pair of parents but came up with nothing.

"I like my life," Xander said thoughtfully. "Sure I could end up dead or worse, but what I do matters. My life has meaning, it has purpose, I make a difference!"

Buffy flinched as Xander's voice rose with each word.

"So I won't live to see old age, and even middle age is pushing it. Just existing isn't enough for me, I want to LIVE!" Xander stalked off with a wide eyed Faith following him.

"I didn't realize he felt so strongly," Giles said, cleaning his glasses. "Or that you did either," he continued, turning to Buffy.

"Well I do," Buffy said unrepentantly. "I can't save everyone, but I thought I could at least save him."

"Do you really see us as tainted?" Willow asked.

"Not in a bad way, just in a dangerous one," Buffy tried to explain. "The supernatural is dangerous and it doesn't lead to happy endings… ever! And it doesn't let go. Our lives are always going to be drawn into it like iron to a magnet."

"And Cordelia?"

"I can speak for myself!" Cordelia snapped out before Buffy could reply. "We've seen evil, hell we've dated it at times; we can't pretend it doesn't exist. Really it all boils down to what kind of person you think you are. Before I believed in good and evil it didn't matter who I hurt because THEY didn't matter, but now I know better. I've fallen through the looking glass and discovered Oz is real. So I can either choose to be a week, shallow, evil bitch or I can stand up and make up for past sins and show the world who Cordelia Chase really is."

"Alice the good bitch of the North?" Willow asked confused.

"Exactly," Cordelia agreed. "Good doesn't mean nice and it can have an interest in foot wear. I'll make up for being an evil bitch and put up some good karma for a rainy day. This Alice is simply paying her dues."

"I suppose that makes sense," Willow admitted.

"How has Mr. Harris gone beyond the bounds of sanity?" Wesley asked.

"Prophecy said I was going to die, Xander said different," Buffy replied.

"I needed a kick in the ass to do anything, even save Buffy," Angel admitted. "Xander applied that kick, probably more often than was needed."

"He's the one who came up with the plan and stole the rocket launcher we destroyed the Judge with," Buffy pointed out.

"He faced down Angelus unarmed in the Hospital and backed him down," Angel added.

"We've all done impressive things," Buffy explained. "But they were usually a lot more sane and we're already stained with supernatural crap to be destined to do it anyway."

"I'm not," Cordelia said firmly.

"Yet," Buffy added.

"Even if I don't get stained with any magic junk, Xander has a point; better to die for something than live for nothing," Cordelia said before she turned and walked away.

**AN: You all know who typed this up!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Saturday Morning… **

"I've got an idea," Faith said as they ate breakfast.

Xander had made pancakes and eggs, while Lisa buttered the toast and poured the juice, leaving Faith to set the table, which she'd done with a smile she was completely unaware of.

"Does it involve how to get Amy back?" Xander asked, his request for Willow to turn over the girl turned rat having been denied.

"No, but that's an easy one to handle," Faith said, waving it off.

"Really, how?"

"It's not like they're holding her in Fort Knox or on Mount Doom, she'll be in one of three or four places if they even move her at all and you've got a Slayer on your side who can break any lock she can't pick."

"Ok, that's one problem solved or as good as," Xander acknowledged.

Faith did her best not to blush as she felt his confidence in her. To say she really liked being an empath was like saying Xander was slightly fond of Twinkies. Faith loved being an empath and would have willingly sacrificed an arm for the ability if that's what it had cost.

"I was thinking we could use Lisa's ability to see if we can hop into the TV and score enough cash to take care of the day to day things most people have to work for, so we can concentrate on groin stomping vamps."

"Do I have to fight vamps?" Lisa asked nervously.

"Well, I guess you could stay at home and be our sex pet," Faith teased with a grin, not having figured Lisa for a front line type anyway.

"Woot! Sex pet!" Lisa cheered and threw her fists up into the air.

Faith laughed as Lisa went to take a shower. "Where did you find her?"

"She was attracted to the sound of me revving my engine and coated the back seat of my car in vaseline," Xander said waggling his eyebrows, "so, of course I brought her home."

"Good call," Faith said giving Xander a high five before they finished wolfing down breakfast and dumped the dishes in the sink.

"Would it be completely decadent to suggest we get a live in housekeeper?" Xander asked, knowing his own skills were lacking in that area just from the state of his room.

"We got three bedrooms and three of us, maybe four if Amy joins," Faith pointed out. "I think we'd need more space, not to mention they'd have to be in on our secrets or they'd really cramp our style."

"I was thinking of an android housekeeper, one who isn't programmed to go Frankenstein on us."

"Like Kryten?" Faith asked, her eyes lighting up.

"Who?"

"Kryten, he was a series five thousand mechanoid from Red Dwarf – it's a British scifi comedy series Linda got me to watch," Faith finished sadly, only to have her eyes widen in shock as Xander's emotions suddenly mirrored her own.

"What the hell was that?"

"What the hell was what?" Xander asked, confused.

"You started feeling the same way I do."

"Well yeah, you're a friend, if you're hurtin' I'm hurtin'."

"Yeah, but that's just an expression, people don't actually feel that way," Faith said, recalling how many times she'd had people say that to her only to find out later they were lying.

Xander shrugged. "I don't know about people, I just know when I say it I mean it."

Faith smiled. "Yeah." Shaken out of her funk by the shock, she drug Xander into the living room and turned on the wall screen, flipping through the channels until she found the BBC.

"Holy shit we got tweed vision!" Xander said, wide eyed as a British show called DR WHO came on.

"That's what I said the first time I saw it!" Faith exclaimed as they both became engrossed in the show.

Lisa came in wearing a pair of towels and plopped down on the sofa next to them, halfway through the two part episode and quickly became as absorbed in it as they were.

The second episode was shown directly after the first one and none of them said a word until it was over.

"Damn, remind me to never piss him off," Lisa said.

"Are all British shows this good? Because if they are I can see why Giles doesn't watch American TV," Xander said thoughtfully.

"Nah, only about two thirds of its gold," Faith said. "Linda said they couldn't afford to put out as much stuff as Hollywood, so to compete they have to have a higher quality to crap ratio."

A commercial came on and Faith bounced excitedly. "That's it, that's Red Dwarf! We need those tapes."

To their surprise, Lisa reached in and grabbed a couple of tapes as they scrolled by on the screen along with instructions on how to order them, before tossing them to Faith. Sticking her entire top half into the TV she managed to grab the last tape, but lost her towel in the process.

It was one thing to know she had the power, it was another to watch her use it.

"Aww, they're melting..." Faith whined as the tapes began to lose cohesion and crumbled to sand in her hands.

"Well, that kills a lot of my half formed plans," Xander said with a sigh.

"This one seems fine," Lisa said, clad only in the towel she was using as a head wrap.

"You left your towel in there and this tape's fine," Faith mused thoughtfully.

"We'll have to see if it's by item, mass, or value, but at least taking out the trash will be a cinch," Xander intoned.

"Time to experiment!" Faith grinned.

0oOo0

"Did we do the right thing?" Willow asked. "I mean by not letting Xander try and break the spell on Amy yesterday?"

"Xander and magic are very non-mixy," Buffy declared, as the two shared a book on common symbols often used during demonic rituals. "I think he should practice on breaking smaller enchantments before he goes up against something like breaking a spell turning a person into a rat. With his luck with magic we'd end up with two rats."

"I doubt the results would be quite that bad, but magic should always be approached with a great deal of caution. if Xander has indeed become a spell breaker of some kind, which I must admit wouldn't entirely surprise me, a few days to prepare some tests is perfectly reasonable," Giles said as he prepared flash cards to quiz the two with.

"Oops," Buffy said. "We kinda left out that part."

"That was a very important part of the conversation you were to have with him," Giles said dryly. "How could you just forget?"

"We may have gotten distracted by arguing about him going out and fighting on his own," Willow admitted sheepishly.

"He's going to get himself killed if he keeps it up," Buffy worried.

"Buffy," Giles said gently, "some people are drawn to this life not by destiny, or to make up for past mistakes, but because it is the right thing to do. I had thought he was just in it for revenge, but that appears to no longer be the case."

"Yeah," Buffy sighed.

"And he's not alone, he's got a Slayer on his side," Giles said, trying to cheer them up.

"Yeah," Buffy said brightly.

"I have complete faith, pardon the pun, that Faith will keep him safe," Giles said, not noticing the effect his final words had on the two girls as he went to his office to retrieve his tea.

"Yeah," the two sighed sadly.

0oOo0

"I like Kryten but he'd stand out too much," Xander said, as the ending credits for the Red Dwarf tape they had ran. "We need something a lot more human … in a manner of speaking."

"Like what?" Lisa asked.

"Arnold Schwarzenegger," Xander said in his best Arnold voice.

"I think a kidnapped celebrity would draw even more attention than an android with a head shaped like a novelty condom," Lisa offered dubiously.

"I'm talking about grabbing a terminator," Xander explained.

"Bad Xander!" Faith said. "No SkyNet for you!"

He laughed. "I'm saying we grab the one from the end of Terminator 2, before he melts himself. We've got spare parts, so we can repair his arm and with an eye patch and some scars, no one will connect him to the actor. We can find him a job during the day and at night he can clean the place and act as security."

"I did hate the way the movie ended," Faith admitted, "but it'd be expensive as hell to pull him out."

"Yeah, we'd have to go through several trades to get up the dough," Lisa said.

"What?" Xander and Faith chorused.

"Well it's like trading car parts; you've got an original hubcap for a 57 Chevy, clean with no dings, but what you want is a slant six for your 89 Camaro, now no one in their right mind is going to trade one for the other, but Ray's body shop on the other side of town has some sweet chrome rims that he got cheap, but has no use for and he's slowly putting together a 57. So I offer the hubcap for the rims, which are truthfully a lot more expensive, but since he needs the one and not the other it's worth it to him," Lisa rattled off.

**Ten Minutes Later… **

"And so I dropped off the 250cc Honda and picked up my new slant six, all for a single hubcap; oh and I made Shelly give me head, because while the kickin' stereo was worth as much as my game system, I had to make a profit and a little head is always good, am I right?"

"I am both turned on and impressed," Xander declared.

"Ditto," Faith agreed.

"So, all we've got to do is find something we can get cheap, that would be more valuable, at a place we go to, that has something that would be valuable here."

"Star Trek has cheap gold," Xander offered.

"I've got an idea," Faith said excitedly.

0oOo0

"I don't know why I thought he'd just stop," Willow said. "I mean, I know Xander, once he's decided to do something it's almost impossible to get him to change his mind."

"Amy!" Buffy burst out.

"What?"

"Would he go behind our backs and try to break the spell on Amy?" Buffy asked Willow intently.

"We better check."

0oOo0

"Okay, we know you can enter and leave at will, but let's see if you can bring us with you," Xander suggested, this being the first chance they'd had to test it between moving in, patrolling, and school.

"What do I do first?" Lisa asked eagerly.

"Put on clothes," Faith suggested. "Running around the house naked is no big thing, but the last thing we need is to have to bail you out of jail in Mayberry or something."

"Good point," Lisa agreed.

0oOo0

"We can move her to my house for safe keeping," Buffy suggested.

"Well, I'm guessing Xander didn't try anything – there's no pile of Xander clothes around."

"And she was still in her cage. Now I feel a bit guilty for thinking Xander would go behind our backs like that,"

"Why," Willow asked confused, "because truthfully it sounds like something all three of us would do in this situation."

"I … yeah, I totally would," Buffy admitted.

"And so would I," Willow agreed. "Now, if he knew about the tests first, like we forgot to tell him, it'd be a whole other story."

"So, put her at my place and remember to tell Xander about the tests as soon as we find him?" Buffy asked.

"Exactly! We can hit his house after yours."

0oOo0

"Okay, we've proven that not only can Lisa take us with her, we can bring people out as well," Xander said, his clothes dissolving into flecks of sand.

"And it dissolves stuff rather than people," Faith pointed out, her own clothes crumbling around her.

"I'm surprised it didn't cost more to pull you guys back out, after you had me pull out those bags," Lisa said, brushing the remains of her shirt off her chest.

"Knowledge is power and books are the currency," Faith smirked.

"And it was only a couple of bags of vermin," Xander said with a shrug.

The girls stared at him in shock.

"What?" Xander asked. "One is based on an insect species and the other rodents."

The girls winced, but really couldn't disagree.

Xander looked at the two empty sacks and groaned. "They got loose. I suppose we can spray for them or maybe use a fogger."

"Xander!" they chorused, staring at him in horror.

"Fine, I'll leave them be, but if any giants or dark wizards show up, I'm blaming you two."

Xander was instantly sandwiched between the two naked girls. "Promise?"

"I promise."

0oOo0

"They haven't seen him since Thursday and all his stuff is gone," Willow said worriedly.

"He's moved out, but he's still going to school," Buffy said soothingly, trying to comfort her friend. "We can find out where he's moved to Monday."

"What if he only came to school yesterday to ask about Amy?" Willow worried. "Then I won't see him at school anymore and I don't know where he lives!"

"With everything that's happened, neither one of us has been seeing him anywhere but at school, by our own choice," Buffy admitted. "But Faith is patrolling with him, she'll know where he lives."

"Faith … they're probably shacked up together!" Willow cried out paling.

"We don't know that for sure," Buffy said quickly.

"Really?"

"Well …"

0oOo0

"Our books would be considered collectable Terran artifacts," Faith said with a grin, "just fill a backpack with a popular author's work and we are set!"

**A couple of hours later… **

"Whose bright idea was this again?" Faith asked as they ducked behind some crates, beams of red light lancing into the air above them.

"Yours," Lisa growled hugging the ground.

"To be fair, it was a great idea," Xander said, popping up just long enough to sweep the area with a continuous beam from his stolen phaser, taking down three of their five pursuers, who hadn't expected any resistance.

"It was a fantastic idea," Lisa added as they all retreated further into the warehouse, "it was just back luck that what you picked for trade was so valuable it attracted these bozos."

"Who knew everyone in the Federation were such Stephen King fans?" Faith asked, shaking her head.

Xander nodded as the three searched for anything resembling a TV so they could escape. "There's probably a story behind that, but really what's important is that no one was hurt and now we know to check and find what's valuable enough for trade, but not rare enough to kill for."

"Stop thieves!" a man in a grey uniform ordered. "We have you surrounded. Give us the bag and surrender!"

"Thoughts?" Xander asked the two.

"The general over there is feeling pretty damn smug," Faith said. "They may have us pinned, but I think it's all a setup. Hire some people to attack us and drive us in here, then snag everything we own and claim it as salvage for the damage we caused."

"I'm sure we can escape from pretty much anywhere if they lock us up," Lisa offered.

"I think I'm vengeful enough to make it a Pyrrhic victory for him," Xander said with a feral grin. "What say I vape the bag and then we give up?"

"I like the way you think," Faith grinned.

"I'm in," Lisa said. "I say we make sure crime doesn't pay in this case."

"You have five seconds to comply!"

Faith took off the backpack and traded it for Xander's phaser, changing the setting from stun to vaporize.

Xander tossed the bag into the air and the three could see the smile on the general's face, just before a beam of red light reached out from Faith's phaser and the bag disintegrated.

"Noooo!" The general howled.

Faith tossed the now dead phaser out before they came out with their hands up.

"I have not heard a scream like that before," Xander said calmly while a uniformed guard stepped forward and scanned them for weapons.

"It is the sound of ultimate suffering," Lisa said, recognizing the line. "My heart made that sound when they killed my father."

"Nah, he said: To Blave – meaning; to bet and he lost!" Faith said forcefully, making all three laugh.

"I'll kill you!" The general yelled, but was stunned before he could draw his phaser, by his second in command.

"Follow me please," The second in command ordered, "we'll let the police figure all this out."

"Sure chief," Faith chirped cheerfully.

Xander started humming, "hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go," which was quickly picked up by Faith and Lisa.

0oOo0

"So, what are we looking at here?" Riker asked as Data and Troy went over the details of the case they'd been handed.

"It appears to be a rather simple case," Data offered, "three teens came into possession of a series of books and offered them up for sale. A very rich patron wished to purchase them and his head of staff felt he could save some money by arranging for the three to do damage to his boss's property or to make it look like they had and claim the books as compensation for the damages. Unfortunately for him the group he hired wasn't as effective as he thought they'd be. While the gang did manage to drive them onto the property, the three took out the majority of the gang and forced them to flee without doing any damage to the property. At this point the head of staff surrounded them with his private security force, but rather than allow him to profit from his crimes they vaporized the books and turned themselves in."

"And where do we come into this?" Riker asked.

"The three claim to be from Earth, but we have no record of them and all three have turned up numerous temporal anomalies when given their medical screenings," Data replied.

"Chronaton particles?" Riker asked curiously.

"None, but scans have turned up traces of a type of subspace radiation we've never seen before," Troy offered.

"So we have three possible time travelers to investigate while defending them in what should be a simple case?" Riker summed everything up.

"We are also to provide security for the three and help them reclaim the one book that wasn't vaporized, from the patron who they had loaned it to, because they felt he had an honest face," Data added.

"Security?" Riker asked, confused.

"Well …" her voice trailed off for a moment, "they had a bag filled with Stephen King novels... the full novels and the book we have to retrieve is a full and complete copy of The Gunslinger."

"You're kidding?" Riker half asked, half pleaded.

"No she is not," Data confirmed.

"Stephen King … the Stephen King," Riker begged, "the great 20th century author whose only surviving books were all found in a cave with the last chapter missing, because the lunatic that had hidden there during the war had used them as kindling? That Stephen King?"

"Yes," Data replied calmly.

Troy knew how big a fan Riker was, his having gone so far as to join a group where everyone discussed what they thought the ending was and most had tried their own hands at writing various possible endings. Of course of all the books, his favorite was The Gunslinger – and he was famous for his arguments that it was supposed to be the start of a new series as opposed to being a stand-alone book.

"I'll be right back, I just need to get some sedatives from medical," Riker said calmly.

"You think we're going to have to sedate someone during this case?" Data asked.

"Just me," Riker replied as he walked out of the room.

0oOo0

Having read up on the case and gone through all the data Riker, Troy and Data beamed down to the planet T'shol – a planet not much different from Earth, having been terraformed and developed within an inch of its life before becoming the center of a trading hub comprising the friendlier races belonging to the Federation … and the Klingons.

The locals favored Roman influenced structures in this district and expanded underground, rather than upwards and block out the light, with the occasional three story gothic cathedral for contrast.

The three Enterprise officers stood out in their Starfleet uniforms, because the locals wore togas and sandals by preference, something the balmy eighty-plus degree weather made comfortable.

Entering the courthouse, which was one of the aforementioned gothic cathedrals, they found the interior much more modern, rivaling the Enterprise for functionality with just the black marble flooring and high ceilings to set it apart.

Tapping a panel on the wall instantly brought up a directory and a floating holographic light that indicated where they should go.

Following the light down four floors and fifteen turns they found the office for temporary housing of non-violent offenders.

"Hello," Data said politely to the blond haired woman in the toga who was doing her nails, in the old fashioned way that somehow never went out of style, while watching a bank of monitors below the visitors line of sight.

"Greetings sir, what can I help you with?" she asked cheerfully, looking up from the monitors she'd been observing.

Data noted that her pupil dilation and flushed cheeks indicated an elevated state of arousal, despite the professional demeanor she wore. "We are here for case number 36259Q4," he quickly rattled off.

"I believe they're having lunch right now. Would you like for me to arrange the same for yourselves?"

"That would be very helpful, thank you," Data replied as she called up a light to guide them down to their clients.

Following the light down three floors and four more turns, they discovered two of their clients out of their cells and sitting at the table, their cell doors unlocked and no guards in sight, playing some sort of card game with the local info flimsies and using memory crystals as chips.

Riker looked into each cell and saw clothes scattered everywhere and the beds occupied by what he presumed were the guards, which made the two not-escaping prisoners wearing togas a bit confusing. If they broke out, why were they still here?

Data made as if to approach the third cell's closed door, but Troy waved him off. "They wouldn't appreciate the interruption."

Data and Riker exchanged glances, both clearly out of their depth.

Seeing the dark haired girl had a few obvious bruises and a fat lip, his eyes narrowed as he wondered what kind of jail they were running here, since she'd been unharmed coming in. Before he could get too upset a small device on the front of his uniform sprayed his face with a pink liquid that seemed to dissolve into the air a second later, calming him down.

"Three face ridges and a pair of B cups," Faith said, throwing a black crystal into the pot.

"Do fat men count?" Xander replied, examining his cards.

"Only if they have the same number of breasts," Faith replied.

"Go fish," Xander replied, causing Faith to draw another flimsy from the unidentified criminals file.

"I'm William Riker, your Star Fleet appointed defender and I have to say that fighting with the guards isn't going to help your case," he said firmly, trying to assert his authority from the start, so they'd be more likely to listen to him.

"Who was fighting?" Xander asked blandly.

"Then how did you get those bruises and why are the guards unconscious?" Riker asked, wondering what if anything he'd misread.

"Klingons are hella freaky in bed, and on the floor, and across the table," Faith explained.

"That does not explain why he is unconscious," Data said.

"No stamina," Faith replied with a shrug, "not like Xander and that Judge chick. They were at it for hours, before me and naturally ribbed started bumpin' uglies, and we still finished at the same time."

"You had sex with the Judge?" Riker asked, wondering just how much stranger this case would get.

"She came by to ask some questions about our religious and moral beliefs to make sure they wouldn't be infringed upon," Xander explained. "I told her we were treated quite well and I had no problems with MILF telepaths looking at my memory of events to speed things up."

"The fact she's nearly a dead ringer for Joyce Summers has nothing to do with it, I'm sure," Faith said with a smirk.

"I did say MILF," Xander grinned and replied, "anyway my brain isn't wired the way most humans are and she accidentally set off a more … primal part of my brain and got caught up in my instinctive response."

"Betazed?" Riker asked curiously.

"Yep," Xander said agreeably. "I got no problems with empaths like Faith, but apparently full telepaths are a different matter."

"You're an empath?" Troy asked, unconsciously reaching for Faith with her empathic abilities.

"Whoa!" Faith said. "I can feel you, feeling me, feeling you."

"Is this going to cause some sort of arousal loop leading to a lesbian orgy on the table?" Xander asked hopefully.

"Doubtful," Troy replied flatly, sensing the two's amusement. "Deanna Troy, assistant to council," she introduced herself.

Riker's mister sent a spray of pink onto his face calming him, as he suppressed any thoughts of Troy and the young lady at the table having sex.

***I can read your thoughts,*** Troy sent to her bondmate.

***Crap!*** came the chemically enforced, calm reply.

Troy tried to hide her amusement, but Xander and Faith's open and friendly nature seemed to be infectious.

"Data Soong, also assisting," Data introduced himself.

"So, the third defendant, Lisa?" Riker asked.

"Got fed up with us having all the fun and convinced the remaining guard to join her," Faith explained.

"You can feel Data's emotions!" Troy exclaimed in a seeming non-sequitor.

The three Star Fleet officers turned to Faith, only Troy showing obvious shock.

"I have emotions that you are able to sense?" Data asked calmly.

"That a big deal?" Faith asked.

"Data is an android suffering from 'Tin Man syndrome'," Xander explained, "he has yet to realize that desire is an emotion and that makes the desire to have emotions a moot point. His emotions are more subtle than an organics and still developing, but they are there, he just has to be patient."

"How?" Data asked, unable to narrow down his queries past that point.

"We've seen it before and it's pretty obvious," Xander replied, thinking about how common an idea it was in nearly any TV series with AI's.

"And how can you sense his emotions?" Troy asked eagerly, as even her own mother couldn't sense Data's emotions, nor could any other telepath she knew of.

"No idea. X?" Faith asked.

"Troy's abilities are based in biology, yours are based in an alteration to your quantum energy state," Xander replied.

"Really?" Faith asked, wondering how smart X actually was if he knew all that.

"Fuck if I know," Xander said with a shrug. "Willow babbled something about possible scientific reasons once and that one seemed to make sense, well more sense than I could make of her other ideas anyway."

"So you don't know how you acquired your empathic ability?" Troy asked.

"Boon from a bunch of gods for preventing one of the Gates of Hell from opening," Faith explained.

"That's the why, not so much the how," Xander said.

Faith shrugged.

"Three C cups, no ridges, but only one eye?" Xander asked Faith.

"Fuck!" Faith cursed, handing a flimsy to Xander, who laid it on the table with a similar picture.

Troy nodded when Riker sent her a questioning glance, to see if they were being honest.

"And what were you granted?" Riker asked Xander, assuming from the matter of fact way he spoke of such things that he had been involved.

"The Prince's kiss from Sleeping Beauty," Faith replied with a grin.

"I can break enchantments with a kiss," Xander explained.

"You can wake coma patients?" Troy asked.

"I think its limited to what we refer to as magic, but considering who granted it … there's a good chance," Xander agreed.

"And your friend?" Riker asked, waving toward the closed cell.

"A unique traveling ability," Faith smirked.

"So you really are time travelers," Riker said.

"Yeah, but not the way you're thinking," Xander clarified, "the past we come from isn't your past and this isn't our future."

"Parallel dimensions?" Troy asked.

"Way beyond that," Xander said, shaking his head. "I don't want to go into the details of it, because I'm pretty sure at least a portion of the people reading the report would go mad."

"What? Really?" Faith asked.

"How many people on our world stay sane and remember what happened when they run into what we do?"

"Not many," Faith admitted, "and it's less shocking."

"Most people would not be so forthcoming," Data said.

"You're all from the Enterprise," Xander disagreed, "meaning you're all good guys."

"Unless Spock has a beard," Faith added.

Xander laughed. "So yeah, with you guys we'll be a bit more open than we would with others."

"Except for the fact that the cells are monitored as is most of the complex," Riker said, shaking his head.

Xander shrugged, "In that case I'm being open with the entire planet."

Faith laughed. "Slut."

Troy turned toward the closed cell with a concerned look on her face as the cell door slid open and a half dressed guard stumbled out.

"Where did Lisa go?" Faith asked the exhausted guard.

"She said something about needing a cigarette and wanting to use the bathroom then she vanished!" he exclaimed.

"Probably doesn't want to risk finding out if you guys use the three shells styled toilet," Xander said. "She just teleported home to use the bathroom and grab her cigarettes."

"Three shells?" Data asked curiously.

"Radically different styles and technology used in the places people feel most vulnerable," Xander explained, "it's like going into a bathroom and instead of finding toilet paper, you find three seashells without any explanation on how they work."

"That's understandable, but she's still not supposed to escape or it reflects poorly on me," the guard explained.

"Our entire universe is contained within an electron within this room, so really you can consider her still here."

Riker gave Troy a look and she shrugged, uncertain if Xander was telling the truth, as he was uncertain himself.

"And having sex with prisoners doesn't reflect poorly on you?" Riker asked.

"No, why?" the guard asked. "Oh! You come from a more sexually restrictive society. We're a lot more open about things here."

"How long do you think she'll be?" Data asked.

"Depends if she decided on another shower," Faith said. "Me, I'm thinking she just wanted to grab her smokes and use the bathroom."

"A shower sounds nice," Xander admitted, "but I'm willing to wait and see if this planet has a good shower setup or if it's going to turn out to be some boring futuristic sonic shower."

The guard perked up at that. "Multiple shower heads with adjustable pressure and temperature that will even spray soap and water mixtures, with a drying chamber offering the choices of towel or air dry, using air currents."

"Nice!" Faith drawled agreeably.

Lisa was suddenly in the room, dressed in Levi's cutoffs with a white bikini top, smoking a cigarette with a coke in her hand.

"Is that an actual Coke?" Troy asked in shock.

**AN: In Godogma we trust!**


	4. Chapter 4

**TN:(And we're back from outer space...)**

With a flash of light Xander, Lisa, and Faith appeared in front of the ginormous TV, in the living room of a place that looked like it was decorated by Home & Garden sometime in the mid-fifties.

"Anyone's clothes turning to sand?" Xander asked, avidly examining the girls.

The girls quickly checked themselves, feeling their clothing and belongings in ways that Xander found enjoyable to watch.

"All good here," Faith replied, slapping the ass of her tight black leather pants. They were actually created by a replicator and had never been near a cow, but they were close enough for her tastes.

"Same here," Lisa agreed, tugging at the crotch of her cutoffs where she'd accidentally given herself a cameltoe.

"Not even your tops?" Xander asked with a disappointed pout.

Lisa and Faith exchanged looks and in one smooth motion, pulled off their tops and flung them at him, hitting him in the face.

"I think you'd get tired of seeing them by now," Faith said with an amused grin, her hands on her hips as she displayed her breasts to best effect, while Lisa snickered and leaned on her shoulder.

"NEVER!" Xander swore loudly, their shirts clenched in his upraised fist, making the girls laugh.

"Okay," Faith said holding up the backpack, "I got a shit load of replicated gems with some replicated gold coins for variety and a few pieces of jewelry. What next?"

"Now we need a copy of Terminator 2 unless you think we need more loot," Xander answered.

"Nah, we're good," Lisa said, "unless you can think of anything else they'd need."

"Getaway vehicle!" Faith said instantly. "Give them a new van and medical supplies on top of the gems to help them escape and we should be golden."

"Good call," Xander said, "I forgot what kind of situation they were in at the end of the movie. They may have won but they still need to escape the cops after the mess they made."

"Have to buy on site," Lisa decided looking around the living room, "because I don't think we have enough room in here for a van, not to mention I'm not sure I could move something that big."

"That's not a big problem," Xander said thoughtfully, "we can sell a few gems in the early part of the movie and get the van and medical supplies together while crashing in a four star hotel."

"That's just a sacrifice we'll have to make then," Faith said with a dramatic sigh.

"We should bring all the Terminator novels and movies as well," Lisa said, "that kinda knowledge could really help them out."

"Good one," Faith said with a grin, "but I think we need some local cash here first. Any ideas where we can sell a stone or two for a decent price and not get ripped off?"

"Willy's," Xander said after a moment of thought. "He's a major sleaze, but it'll all be off the books and since we can't say where we got the gems, we need that."

"Who's Willy?" Lisa asked curiously.

"A scumbag who runs Sunnydale's major demon bar," Faith answered. "I gotta go with, to watch Xander's back, but I am going to need a long hot shower to wash off the vibes that perv will be giving off."

"No need, I'll catch him after work," Xander said. "We want to keep this quiet so I won't be going into the bar anyway."

Faith could feel Xander's anger on her behalf for things that hadn't even happened yet and pushed down the urge to hug him. "And with me along I can tell you when he's trying to cheat us."

"Okay," Xander gave in, "but if it gets too bad, feel free to use aversion therapy on him."

"Aversion therapy?" Faith asked scratching the underside of her right breast and hiding a smirk as she felt Xander's attraction.

"Cause him pain whenever he does something and eventually he'll stop doing it," Xander explained, trying to keep from getting distracted.

"That I can do!" Faith promised brightly, bouncing on her heels and enjoying the complete mental meltdown Xander underwent.

"I'll take out the trash and straighten up a bit," Lisa said stifling a laugh at the two playing, "while you two are off having fun."

"Fun?" the two chorused.

"You guys are going to be meeting a fence to sell gems you can't legally say where you got them from. It's the kind of scene I'd expect in a detective novel."

"Wanna buy trench coats and fedoras?" Xander suggested with a grin.

"Wouldn't that be kinda conspicuous?" Faith asked.

"You mean like the fact that ninety percent of the vampires dress in black leather?"

"Point," she admitted.

0oOo0

"Willy," Xander said, making the balding bartender jump as he'd thought he'd been alone in the parking lot and surprises were rarely good on the Hellmouth.

"What do you want?" Willy asked, putting his back against his beat up Ford Pinto station wagon.

"I got gems I need sold, they aren't stolen or being looked for, but I don't have any legal evidence to show where I got them," Xander replied, holding out a small purple pouch, actually the Crown Royal bag he normally kept his D&D dice in.

Willy opened up the pouch and his eyes shot open. "I can give you my day's take right now for one of 'em and I'll take 18% on the sale of the rest. I'll probably have to sell them a couple at a time, so don't expect the money all at once."

Xander was shocked at how fast Willy went from scared weasel to interested businessman, but Faith just nodded to him, letting him know Willy was on the level.

"Deal," Xander agreed, shaking Willy's hand and accepting the bag of cash he offered, reassured by the weight that it was a decent amount.

"Now two things," Willy said, "one follow me to the bank, so I don't have to worry about being robbed on the way to put them into my safe deposit box and two, why are you two wearing trench coats and fedoras?"

Xander shrugged. "It seemed appropriate."

Willy laughed and gave Faith a quick leer before hopping into his car and waiting for them to collect their own.

Xander started his car, listening to the rough idle and reminded himself of the work he still had to do on it. "You good?" he asked Faith, who seemed deep in thought.

"I'm fine," Faith said, waving off his concern. "He was faking the leer; no vibes."

"Really?" Xander asked as he followed the old gray Pinto, "I wonder why?"

"No idea, but knowing he doesn't mean it, makes him a lot easier to deal with."

0oOo0

Xander and Faith returned home to find Lisa having a conversation with what looked to be a bald human head, created by a machine that didn't understand the whole 'round thing' and tried to make up for it using a whole lot of planes. In short, a cubist painter would say it was magnificent.

"You really don't mind Kryten?" Lisa asked.

"No Mum, this is much more entertaining than sitting in a closet waiting to get blown up when my negative emotion storage drive overflows," the head replied cheerfully in a British accent.

"Good, you have somewhere I can plug a phone jack into you?"

The head gave her a bashful look. "There is a port in my right ear which should serve."

"Thank you," Lisa said, plugging the phone cord in. "256K is as fast as things get right now, but I need you to play answering machine and familiarize yourself with every computer system you can safely enter without getting caught or leaving anything that could be traced."

"So, all of them?" Kryten asked.

"Pretty much," Lisa agreed. "If you find out anything you think we need to know, project it on the TV over there. Use VHF channel 3."

"Isn't this illegal?"

"I'm positive there is not one law regarding mechanoids hacking into computer systems on the books," Lisa promised him.

Kryten smiled. "An excellent work around, Mum."

"How'd you end up with just his head?" Xander asked.

"Kryten has a number of spare heads earlier in the series," Lisa explained, "so I just picked the right episode and stepped aboard. Fortunately I knew they were out of milk, being in deep space and all, with all the cows having died off or evolved into a higher life form by now, so it would be considered very valuable. So... I grabbed ten gallons of milk and a fifty five gallon drum of curry powder..."

"Where did you get a fifty five gallon drum of curry powder?" Faith interrupted.

"Well, I had a bracelet I wasn't too fond of..." Lisa began.

"Is this one of those stories that involves a lot of trading?" Faith interrupted again.

"And does it involve you getting some girl to give you head?" Xander added with a grin.

"Yep!" Lisa chirped happily.

"Okay, we can skip that part," Faith said.

"So, Kryten accepted the milk in return for the spare head and, despite being in deep space with no women for so long, Dave simply held the barrel of curry powder and cried tears of joy. Cat would NOT stop hitting on me though. So I got Holly to show some videos of cat women and pulled them out for the guys. Strangely enough it only cost one rack of Cat's classic wear suits to cover the costs of a dozen cat women. I think the cost of pulling something out of a video while in a video is a lot less, or those suits were worth a lot more than I thought. Just to check, I pulled one of the women here, but she turned into a regular cat. So pulling things from a video inside another video is probably a bad idea."

"Well, you certainly know how to get value for your money," Xander said, "and on the plus side, we now have a cat to help keep the pest population down."

"And you got head!" Faith said, exchanging high fives with Lisa.

A very large black cat came in, looking like a panther done in half scale.

"Now that is one gorgeous pussy," Xander said waggling an eyebrow at the girls.

The cat made a beeline for him and started rubbing against him and purring.

"I suggested taking her back but she refused," Lisa said.

"We'll have to teach her how to use the toilet, because I don't think they make litter boxes for cats that big," Faith said thoughtfully.

"She already knows," Lisa replied.

"She needs a name."

"Cats always call themselves cat," Lisa said.

"I'd suggest Azrael," Xander said, palming the tiny white booty that had been stuck on one of her teeth.

"The angel of death?" Faith snickered. "Sounds like a good name for a Hellmouth cat."

"Ok, not we got the cash for shopping," Xander said happily. "Everyone make a list of what we need to buy."

"I thought we were just going to get all the books and movies?" Lisa asked, brushing her hair back.

"We were, I'm talking about food and etc… We got the cash for it, so we should get all the little things we need… like a crate of Twinkies."

Faith and Lisa just stared at him.

"What? It's a good investment! It's hostess gold, I tells ya!" Xander cheered.

0oOo0

"Well they're definitely shacking up together," Buffy said.

"They also bought a lot of movies and books," Willow said from the aisle they'd been spying on the two from.

"Wonder why they were dressed like that?"

"Probably planning a detective movie marathon," the red headed witch decided after a moment.

"Xander dresses up for movie marathons?" Buffy asked surprised.

"If he's got the time and the right outfit," she confirmed thinking of the different costumes the two had put together and worn when they were younger.

"So, what do we do?" Buffy asked smiling at the far off look in her friend's eyes and the half smile she wore.

"Nothing we can do," Willow said bitterly, her smile vanishing. "He has no reason to listen to either of us anymore."

"But we're his friends!" Buffy protested.

"No, we were his friends and apparently pretty crappy ones," she said sadly.

"What can Faith give him that we can't?" the blonde slayer argued forcefully.

"Attention, affection, acceptance, blow jobs..." Willow listed off.

"We can do that!" Buffy proclaimed and then blushed. "Okay, maybe not the last one."

0oOo0

Xander looked at the load of books and movies they'd dumped in the back seat of the car. "I think we're well stocked, how about you?" he asked.

"Need more porn," Faith replied thoughtfully.

"The mayor doesn't approve of sex shops so we'll have to order through the mail," he said with a frown.

"Damn, I wanted to enter one of those porn spoofing horror movies."

"Like the Sexorcist?"

"What's that one about?" Faith asked.

"It's a spoof of the exorcist and since Linda Blair's character was way too young they changed it to a convent with a possessed nun who keeps seducing everyone in sight. The only answer of course was to call in a fat priest and a thin priest to sexorcise the demon. I.E. have sex with her until the lust demon possessing her is exhausted," Xander explained.

"You gotta be shitting me," Faith said busting up laughing.

"I think my favorite part is where they're chanting 'the power of cock compels you!"

"Please tell me you have a copy," Faith begged.

"I have a copy," Xander promised.

0oOo0

Lisa looked from one tape to the other.

"Porn!" Faith pleaded.

"Work then play," Xander suggested, ignoring the six foot tall crate he was leaning against that said Hostess on the side.

**AN: Typing by Godogma! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Broken Links 5**

A flash of light deposited three exhausted teens on the living room floor.

"That … did not go as planned," Xander said after he'd caught his breath and removed the wimple from his head.

"You can say that again," Lisa said tiredly, pulling the black robe she had on over her clothes off.

"It was a decent plan," Faith replied, "we just forgot to plan for things to go wrong."

"Ah, back up plans..." Xander said with a grin. "My backup plan has always been 'run screaming'."

The girls laughed.

"Yeah, I noticed," Faith said with a smirk. "You managed to draw most of the fire doing that."

Xander grinned unrepentantly. "The idea is to free up you guys so you can rescue me."

"Which was easier said than done," Lisa replied.

"Worked though," Faith admitted. "Well, now we know better and next time we'll succeed."

"What?" Xander exclaimed. "No way! It's too dangerous, I'm voting that world off limits."

"And I second it!" Lisa chimed in.

Faith laughed and climbed to her feet. "Thank whatever for Slayer stamina. You two rest up, I'm going to hit the bronze and stake some players. We'll figure out what to do next when you guys have recovered."

The door closed leaving the two lying there on the floor.

"It's so nice just to lay here and not worry about getting jumped," Lisa said.

"I never pictured them as the type that would ambush us," Xander replied. "I mean, they're supposed to be the good guys!"

"I know!" Lisa agreed.

0oOo0

"Seriously," the buxom blonde said, "mud packs are supposed to be great for the skin, but it's not supposed to be a fashion statement!"

The dark skinned woman, wearing a loincloth and a layer of clay, simply stared; nothing in her long lonely existence had prepared her for this.

"The tribal look is hot, but really a good layer of sunscreen and some conditioner can work wonders. You know what? We should totally give you a makeover!"

The dark skinned woman slowly backed away. She wasn't sure what a makeover was, but the words sent shivers down her spine and she wasn't making the mistake of getting within groping… err grappling range again.

0oOo0

Faith's eyes scanned the crowd as she sipped her coke, a smile lighting up her face as she saw her prey slipping out a side door and into the alley.

Buffy and Willow spotted Harmony slipping out with a vamp and moved to follow, just spotting Faith as she ghosted after Harmony. Knowing Faith could handle things they followed along to make sure, but with no real sense of urgency.

"I thought they were having a movie marathon?" Buffy asked.

"I thought they were," Willow replied. "But I guess they had a different reason for the trench coats and fedoras."

"I guess so," Buffy said as she pushed open the door and they slipped out into the alley.

The sight that greeted them however wasn't one they were prepared for. Buffy and Willow froze as they spotted Harmony and Faith in a heated clench.

Harmony released the dazed Faith. "Thank you so much for saving me! He was going to eat me, and not in the good way!"

Faith just nodded dumbly as Harmony skipped back inside.

"You okay?" Buffy asked after a moment.

"I think she sucked out one of my fillings!" Faith said incredulously.

"I've never had anyone react like that to me saving them," Buffy mused aloud.

"I haven't had anyone react like that before either," Faith admitted, "remind me to save her again!"

"You're gay?" Willow blurted out.

"Bi," Faith replied.

"But Bi isn't a real sexual identity!" Willow protested, falling back into popular psychology to cover her discomfort. "Mom even published a paper proving people are either attracted to one sex or are repressing their true leanings to fit in by claiming to be Bi so they can have a fulfilling sex life and avoid being shunned."

Faith shook her head. "Yeah and they still claimed being left handed was a sickness and had to be fixed about a dozen years back. All I know is that I like a big slab of sausage most days, but occasionally I get bored with that and feel like having a taco."

"But she's got two PhD's!" Willow protested.

"Doesn't mean she's right all the time," Faith waved it off. "Seems the more brains you've got the harder it is to understand people. Maybe she based her paper on a group of repressed lesbos who were pretending to be bi. All I know is what I like and that's both."

"I'm going back inside," Buffy said, **really** not wanting to get drawn into this conversation but found herself staying to listen.

0oOo0

The dark skinned woman sighed in relief when she saw she was alone again and quickly set about finding a stream to wash off the makeup she was wearing. Never had her lonely eternal vigil seemed more of a blessing.

0oOo0

"Where's Xander staying?" Willow asked anxiously as they reentered the Bronze.

"If he wants you to know he'll tell you," Faith replied flatly.

"I just want to make sure he's safe!" Willow pleaded.

"You already went down that road and look where it got you," Faith responded, "you ain't getting me to betray his trust."

Willow fell silent.

"Sorry to put it so bluntly but lying to you wouldn't be doing you any favors," Faith said, acutely aware of how much Willow missed him. "You made your choice; you chose Oz over Xander and then chose Buffy over him. You've lost all claim to him."

"It wasn't like that at all!" Buffy said, backing Willow up.

"You know it was," Faith said, "she got caught swapping spit with Xander and had to choose which boy to keep and which to cut loose and she chose to cut loose Xander. You chose to cut him out of the Slaying, for god knows what reason-"

"To keep him safe!" Willow interrupted. "He's only human, it's too dangerous for him!"

"He takes too many risks and it puts us all in danger," Buffy said firmly.

"Riiight," Faith drawled, "like being alone on the Hellmouth is going to make monsters ignore him and his risk taking hasn't saved you all before. If there was any truth to what you were saying, Cordelia would have been kicked out as well."

"She does what I tell her and doesn't take risks," Buffy quickly said.

Faith cocked her head and regarded them for a minute. "That's closer to the truth, but this is all beside the point, I ain't betraying Xander period."

An awkward silence fell over the three.

"Can you tell him to call us?" Buffy asked.

"Passing messages is no problem but whether he calls you or not is up to him," Faith said.

"Give me a second," Willow said, searching her purse for something to write on and pulling out a pen.

0oOo0

Xander stood there dripping water on the floor and searching for a towel.

"Sorry," Lisa said popping into the bathroom with one towel wrapped around her and one wrapped around her head. "I think I used up all the towels when I took my shower."

"The linen closet in the hall should have some," Xander said. "I'd get them myself but I don't want to drip on the carpet."

"No problem," Lisa said before opening the bathroom door and letting a wall of steam out as she went in search of towels which took about three seconds as the linen closet was right there.

Xander quickly dried off with the towel Lisa tossed him before wrapping it around his waist and collapsing on the couch in the living room next to Lisa. Azrial made an appearance a few seconds later and climbed onto the couch to rest with her head in Xander's lap.

Faith entered an hour or so later to find the three snoozing. "Damn if it don't look downright homey."

Azrial woke up and gave her a lazy blink that was cat for 'hello my faithful servant' before a noise outside caught her attention and she glided off to deal with it.

Faith chuckled and went to take a shower, but finding on the towels gone had her returning to the living room and carefully stripping her roommates.

Pausing in thought she grinned and positioned them so Lisa was lying atop Xander before taking her own shower.

After a nice long shower with no cries of surprise coming from her roommates, Faith dried off and found them still asleep. Shrugging she lay down beside them, throwing an arm over the two so she wouldn't fall off the couch in the middle of the night.

On the coffee table sat a VHS tape labeled 'The Sexoricist' and someone had written on the corner in black ink, "Do not Enter!"

0oOo0

Harmony smirked as she looked in the mirror and posed showing off the too tight sweater and illegally short miniskirt. Her eyes glowed red as she thought of all the innocent young men and women she was going to meet the next day. "We'll knock em dead!" she purred.

**AN: Typing by Godogma.**


	6. Chapter 6

**The S is silent, in fact it's non-existant!**

Buffy and Angel stood side by side swords ready, but even they would admit that they weren't looking forward to the fight. Oz had a mace and a stake and was guarding Willow who was really wishing she knew a spell that would allow her to set vamps on fire, and cursing herself for not downloading blueprints for a flamethrower off the net. Giles readied his crossbow and calmly scanned the crowd of vampires for their leader. Cut off the head and the rest could be dealt with a lot easier, hopefully. Cordelia stepped behind Giles and wished she'd brought something more than just a stake, like the U.S. Army.

"Hail, hail, the gang bang's all here!" a voice called from the back of the crowd of vamps, causing a few of them to turn around right before they exploded into dust.

That signaled the start of festivities as Buffy and Angel leapt forward, both thankful Faith had arrived.

"How long's Faith been dyeing her hair blonde?" Oz asked, using his mace to dissuade a female vamp from attacking Willow.

"Not as long as Buffy," Cordelia snarked, kicking a vampire in the crotch and causing it to stumble back into a beheading strike from Angel's sword.

"Gotcha," Giles muttered as his crossbow bolt sank into the chest of a very surprised looking vamp, just before it exploded into dust.

"That's not Faith," Angel observed, forcing a trio of vamps away from Buffy's back.

"A new Slayer's been called?" Cordelia questioned as she watched the blonde rip through the vamps on the other side of the melee.

"Wouldn't it take time for her to get here?" Oz questioned, before darting forward and ringing the bell of a vamp who was about to blindside Angel.

"Not if she already went to school here," Cordelia said as the vamps had thinned out enough to see who had come to back them up.

With only half of their number remaining, the vamps broke and ran revealing...

"Harmony?!" Willow and Buffy chorused.

"You're the new Slayer?" Oz asked.

"Please," Harmony rolled her eyes. "I'm the Layer."

"Uh guys," Buffy said worriedly. "I'm getting some pretty wigsome vibes here."

Harmony snorted. "Like anyone here isn't giving off strong wigsome vibes."

"I'm not!" Willow exclaimed.

"Please, all of you except Cordelia radiate blood and darkness, Oz has some sort of Jekyll and Hyde thing, Willow's aura just screams vengeance and dark magic, like she's done some big league evil curses, and Angel and Buffy both have demons in them."

"What?!" Buffy asked, turning to Giles.

"A powerful demon was bound and had its powers stripped to empower the first Slayer," Giles replied. "If you didn't know what to look for, it would indeed look like demonic possession."

"What do you want?" Cordelia demanded.

"To borrow those black pumps you wore to Aura's party last month," Harmony replied. "I have a dress that so totally goes with them."

"It's getting late," Giles pointed out. "We should continue this later."

**Morning…**

"A guy could get used to this," Xander said sleepily as he awoke sandwiched between two girls.

"So could a girl," Faith replied, half-awake herself.

"I am used to it already," Lisa said, snuggling in and making herself comfortable.

"Is that your hand, Xand?" Faith asked.

"No-oh!" Xander said as Lisa nibbled on his ear.

"Good morning to me!" Lisa purred.

Xander groaned as Lisa did something at waist level. "I can't have sex with Faith, cause it causes trust issues," he reminded her.

"I think I can take a little peril," Faith moaned, burying her face in the side of Xander's neck.

"No, it's toooOOOooo perilous," he whimpered.

"She can take peril!" Lisa said, pressing her advantage.

"B-but, if I have sex with her, I lose her as a friend and I have a major shortage of friends!" he worried.

"Then, I'll have sex with both of you instead," Lisa said, working her way between the two.

**Noon…**

It was lunch, and the Scoobs were gathered in the library with Harmony.

"So, your main problem with demons is?" Giles asked, making sure he had a clear idea of her motivation.

"They kill people I could be seducing," Harmony growled.

"And, you don't feed on life-force or eat souls, right?" Buffy asked. "No trail of corpses from you?"

Harmony rolled her eyes. "The only way a corpse would end up in my bed is if it turned out they had a heart condition."

Buffy looked over at Giles.

"The truth spell appears to be working," Giles confirmed.

"So, what can you do?" Willow asked curiously.

"Well, I'm as flexible as humanly possible, can hold my breath for fifteen minutes, and can lick my eyebrows," Harmony said proudly.

Willow turned red at the look Harmony gave her.

"I think she meant as a demon fighter," Wesley said, looking up from the book he was reading.

"About the same as the Slayer, except I can draw power from lust for small magics, mostly illusions."

"Are illusions really all that useful?" Buffy asked, thinking of Sailor Moon's disguise pen from back when she used to watch the cartoon.

Harmony snapped her fingers and an image of Angel sleeping appeared on the table. "Using Buffy's lust as a link, I can show what he's up to."

"Fascinating," Giles said.

"A bit limited if you need an emotional connection to the target, but definitely useful and probably one of the most skillful uses of illusion I've ever seen," Wesley said.

"You could show us where Xander is," Willow said suddenly.

Harmony snapped her fingers and the image changed...

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

"You are way late for school," Faith said as the three lay sprawled on the living-room floor, having rolled off the sofa some time before.

"I can't go to school, I have the flu," Xander said as he stared at the ceiling.

"The flu?" the girls chorused.

"I'm hot and sweaty despite lying here naked, obviously I've got a fever," he said smugly, making the girls snicker.

"Still friends?" Lisa asked Faith.

"We're cool," Faith replied, basking in the relief and happiness coming from the two. Things were so much simpler now that she could read emotions.

"Everyone ready to pick up our housekeeper?" Xander asked.

"If it gets me out of doing dishes, I'll fight the T1000 myself!" Faith swore.

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

"That bastard!" Cordelia growled, pissed at Xander getting over her so quickly when she thought he should have been suffering.

Harmony waved a hand and dismissed the illusion. Putting an arm around a white-faced Willow and a seemingly unconcerned Oz, she said, "Look, sex doesn't mean the end of the world or anything bad, sometimes it's just friends expressing their love for one another."

"You're no-longer dating him," Buffy pointed out to Cordelia. "He's pretty much free and clear to see who he wants now."

"I should've done what my mom did to her boyfriend to make sure he suffered for a good long time," Cordelia swore.

"What did she do?" Buffy asked curiously.

"She married him!"

"Mr. Giles, I believe we should retire to consult the journals," Wesley said quickly.

"Indeed," Giles instantly agreed as the two vanished into his office, locking the door behind them and shutting the blinds.

"I'll start the tea," Wesley suggested, relieved to escape from the teenage drama that was surely occurring in the library.

"Shame we couldn't rescue Oz," Giles said.

"No worries, Miss Kendal escorted him and Willow out in the confusion."

"That's a relief. I still don't know what to think over her situation."

"The spirit possessing her, the Layer, for lack of a better term, reads almost exactly like the Slayer spirit," Wesley said. "If I didn't have Buffy for comparison, I'd have thought it was the Slayer spirit."

"I believe that it's Fay rather than demonic," Giles said thoughtfully.

"Possibly," Wesley agreed.

**AN: Typing by Lucillia!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Bonds Broken**

An ambulance entered the steel refinery, driving around several wrecked vehicles and into the plant itself. Unattended machinery ran on unconcerned as processed ore was melted down into molten metal. The sound of gunfire was swallowed up by the noise of the machine.

Sarah would have completely overlooked the irony of that, even if she hadn't been stabbed in the shoulder by a terminator a short time before.

That the T-800 named 'Uncle Bob' by John Conner would have recognized it was even more ironic.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"I now know why you cry," Bob announced, getting ready to lower himself into the molten steel. "But it's something I could never do."

"Hold the phone," Xander said cheerfully as he and Lisa stepped out of the shadows, causing the three to whirl around despite their tired and injured state.

Sarah tried to push John behind her, but lacked the strength. Bob quickly stepped in front of them.

"We come in peace," Lisa promised, wincing at the state of the three.

"We're here because your alterations to the timeline have all been closed loop affairs, increasing the possibility of the creation of Skynet," Xander said stunning the three.

"What?" Sarah asked in shock.

"Your son was born because you knocked boots with a soldier sent back in time to kill you, because your son was born," Lisa explained. "If the soldier had never come back in time there would never have been a reason to send a terminator after you."

"And if not for the bits of terminator it left behind when you destroyed it, Skynet wouldn't have been created. Right now Uncle Bob has left an entire arm jammed in a machine-" Xander explained.

"Got it," Faith interrupted, joining them with a bloody arm.

"WE come from outside your timeline, so we're your best bet for disrupting the loop," Lisa said firmly.

"WE want to take Bob with us, negating a large chunk of possibility that allows Skynet to send cyborgs back to this timeline," Xander finished.

"Even if what you say is true, my entry into your timeline would spread the risk of Skynet developing in your reality. The possibility of Skynet having a sleeper program in me that would allow it to recreate itself and send Terminators back in your timeline is unacceptable," Uncle Bob reasoned.

"Fuck, he's right," Faith said with a groan, returning his arm.

Xander handed over the keys to the ambulance and a bag of gems. "Fine, take Bob and use him as proof to start a grassroots movement before the government has a chance to develop Skynet. We'll just have to go with a different choice."

"I told you destroying yourself was stupid," John said, tears in his eyes.

"I-I..." Sarah fell silent.

"Total reality reset," Lisa agreed. "Go with the flow for now and work it out in your head later, the cops are on their way."

"Thanks," Sarah said. "Lets go," she ordered, hobbling off with her son's help while Bob kept them covered.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Time?" Xander asked as they appeared in the living room.

Lisa checked the watch she'd left behind. "Ten minutes. We spent about a day and a half and it only cost us ten minutes real time."

"Well, that was a bust," Faith said. "What other droids can we buy?"

"Has to be human enough to pass," Xander said.

"So, no Johnny Five or Kryten," Lisa said thoughtfully.

"Data could pass as albino," Faith offered.

"He has a life," Xander pointed out. "We need one that won't have a problem doing menial chores for a couple of years, won't go Skynet, and is closer to a machine than a person so we can buy them."

The three thought that over for a moment.

"Vicky Lawson," Faith said with a grin.

"Who?" Lisa and Xander asked.

"There was a show called Small Wonder," Faith explained. A brilliant robo-guy made himself a daughter that he raised alongside his son. Appears human, but sounds a bit robotic and is very literal minded. He's a family man who managed to build her on a shoestring budget so she's more user friendly than any military project and isn't going to cost millions."

"Works for me," Xander agreed.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Ted Lawson was bent over the workbench in his shop, squinting behind his goggles as he worked on a delicate solder job just when three young adults appeared in a flash of light. Catching the reflection of the flash off his beer can, he spun around. "I can explain-" he began and then fell silent realizing the only entrance to his shop was opposite where they were standing so there was no logical way for them to have gotten behind him. "How did you get in here?"

Xander looked at the table the middle aged inventor was working on, which appeared to have several disembodied young women on it, but lacked even a drop of blood. "Mr. Lawson, we're here to buy a VICI unit."

"I-I can't sell Vicki," Ted said in horror.

"We aren't trying to buy your daughter," Faith quickly assured him.

"Yeah," Lisa chimed in. "We would like you to build us one."

"Ah," Ted relaxed a little. "Ok, let's back up a bit. How did you get in here without me noticing?"

Lisa vanished and reappeared a couple of seconds later in a flash of light.

"Teleportation, but that's not important-" Xander began.

"Not important?!" Ted exclaimed. "That's got to be one of the greatest scientific achievements of the millennium!"

"Nothing scientific about it," Lisa said. "It's magic based."

"What?" Ted asked confused.

"We're from another reality, a parallel universe," Xander explained. "We've come here to buy a VICI unit from you for an obscene amount of money, after which we'll depart."

"I-I'm on candid camera?" Ted guessed.

Xander handed him a backpack.

Opening the backpack, Ted stared in shock. "Holy!"

"That real enough for ya?" Faith asked with a grin.

"I-I'm overwhelmed," Ted admitted sitting down. "Teleportation, magic, and alternate universes exist."

"Whoa," Faith said shaking her head. "I think he's going into shock!"

Before anything more could be said the door to the workroom opened and a twelve year old girl, wearing a red and white dress that wouldn't look out of place on a sixties housewife, entered. "What did you do?" she demanded in a voice that sounded a little like it came out of a synthesizer.

"Information overload," Xander offered as the red haired girl glared at them. "He just needs a minute to reboot or a smack upside the head."

Walking around the table she scanned Ted up and down before raising her hand and drawing it back.

"I'm good!" Ted suddenly blurted out, raising his arms to protect his face.

She lowered her arm and gazed at him impassively.

"Don't hit me," he ordered lowering his arms.

"Yes, father," she agreed.

"Now that you're good again," Xander said, "we'd like to buy a new unit. It would be helpful if your daughter contributed to the programming, but we'd like one that isn't going to miss her family here."

"What's her purpose?" Ted asked.

"Purpose?" Lisa asked.

"What do you need her to do?" Ted asked.

"Housekeeping and security," Xander explained.

"Our city is infested with demons," Faith added. Seeing Ted's frown and feeling his disbelief she decided to expand on that. "Remember we're from a different reality and our city sits on top of a portal to what we like to call hell dimensions. The creatures from those planes feed off of negative emotions, like pain and fear, and are the basis for most stories about monsters and demons."

Xander looked at Faith surprised.

"Unlike Buffy I have at least paged through the handbook," she told him smugly.

"I believe you," Ted decided. "Well, I was just putting the finishing touches on Vicki's next upgrade, but I suppose I could sell it to you and use the money for the more expensive redesign I had wanted to do but couldn't afford."

"Redesign?" Vicki asked showing some interest.

"I had some ideas for a couple of subsystems that would more closely mimic normal human biological functions and a limited self-repair ability that would allow you greater independence," Ted explained. "My problem was a lack of funds to carry it out."

"I-Thank you father," Vicki said, before removing a mole on her left arm, revealing a data cable that she plugged into the naked android on the workbench.

Ted beamed, his pride at his work eclipsed by his pride as a father.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

The four appeared in a flash of light.

"Everyone good?" Xander asked as he checked to make sure none of his clothes were turning into sand.

"All good," Lisa said after checking herself.

"Ditto," Faith added.

"I detect no errors," the android, who's current appearance was of a twelve year old girl reported, her voice having the familiar synthesized buzz that Ted hadn't been able to remove yet.

"Belldandy," Xander decided as he looked at the sandy blonde haired android and considered what she was going to be used for. "I name thee Belldandy, which is a corruption of the word truth in another language. It's from one anime I like," he explained. "We'll call you Belle for short."

"Works," Lisa agreed.

"Let's get her some clothes before somebody peeks in the window and gets the wrong idea," Faith said, leading the naked android off.

"Something age appropriate, please," Xander requested.

"This was a lot of trouble to avoid doing dishes," Lisa said thoughtfully.

"I'm willing to do a lot more than this to avoid housework," Xander told her collapsing on the couch. "Housework eats up time I could be doing something else."

"Like what?"

"Fucking off," he replied. "I have a schedule full of fucking off that I keep procrastinating on."

Lisa flopped down on the couch next to him. "I'll help you get caught up." She flipped the TV to another channel and put her feet up.

Faith returned with Belle right as the Gummi Bears ended. "What do you think?"

Belle was dressed in a black Metallica T-shirt and blue jeans, with a pair of sandals on, showing off painted toe nails.

"Looks normal and appropriate," Xander agreed.

"OK, how good are you at security and household chores?" Xander asked Belle.

"For security, I have extensive files on hand to hand combat and emergency medical aid," Belle replied. "For household chores, Jamie Lawson taught Vicki one rule that sufficed for all household chores."

"One rule?" Xander asked.

"Yes, if you do the job bad enough, you will not be asked to do it again," Belle replied. "It is remarkably efficient."

Faith and Xander burst out laughing.

**Typing by: Last Primarch!**


End file.
